my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
