I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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