I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
