can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
