By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
