At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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