I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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