I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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