It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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