you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
