The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can you bring me the toilet please
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
