so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and she was petting her beer can
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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