im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize