I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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