It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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