my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
