it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
