My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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