dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
