Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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