That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
