They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
