Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
