so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
