like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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