I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
