Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
