I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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