I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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