That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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