jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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