so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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