I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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