I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
