i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Randomize
