Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
