a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
