yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
