I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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