no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
