I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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