I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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