So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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