Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize