What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
