It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
