my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
