Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize