she woke up with a sticky ear
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
