My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
