This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
