do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
