Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
