please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize