i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
