My nipple is on Facebook.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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