Jerry, you need to find god
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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