Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
