dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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