yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
