i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
