did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
