I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
