I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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