Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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