It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
