forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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