Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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