I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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