therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
