Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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