The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize