Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
3pm strippers are depressing
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
