You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
