fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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