areolas are like halos for boobs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
