we're chasing vodka with high fives
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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